HW 36 - Triangle Partner Help

After writing my rough draft, I looked at the blogs of Marco, and Beatrice who are my triangle partners, and commented on their drafts using the restructured format for commenting on our peer's blogs.

Marco's Draft:

As I read your draft, your main idea seemed to be fairly straight forward. I concluded that your point was that; While we have a lot of various influences which make up our "cool" figure, we spend far more time trying to become this synthetic image of "cool" instead of developing ourselves, and thus lack in actual self- worth.

I would say, that cool is a way we break down a larger question into much smaller, manageable goals. We don't really know how to value ourselves, but we know that we must have some value. This question becomes a search for inner worth, to find a way to show the world that "you have value!". Instead of becoming valued, we end up lacking in validity, our inner selves are all but empty, but the character we put forth in the world, becomes our "true" self. What begins as a search for purpose ends up as a search for items that can be adorned on ourselves to "prove our worth".

I think that you have a really high quality draft here, and I only suggest that you expand and reorganize your paper. Being as the search for cool is about the search for meaning, you seem to start off with smaller topics and expanded into a larger topic (comprable to starting with your conclusion and ending with your introduction). I would say that you should make a new conclusion, and add your current one onto your introduction. The transition from the inner search for meaning, to the social manifestation of this search should improve your paper.

Good stuff so far, and I can't wait to read the final product. Good luck on your finals next week!

-Jakob F.

---------------------------

Beatrice's Draft:

Although you have a lot of work you need to do on this draft before it is complete, I think you are going in a very interesting direction with this paper. I think that your dominant idea here, is that "cool" transcends time, and is for the most part something out of your control. We try and determine style and fad's, but from the moment we are born, we have cut our options for our life in half (boy/ girl).

The human race has developed a strong belief in the idea that we are better than animals, and above animalistic tendencies. We have come to accept as truth, that we have an intellectual reason behind everything we do, unlike inferior species without developed minds such as ourselves. This has become deeply rooted in our society, which is based off of masking any simple human desires or behavior similar to animals. While males have a less calculated approach to choosing sexual partners than females do, men and women overlap in certain area's we consider social, which are actually quite similar to many species of animals. Most notably, females tend to choose more "in-shape" men, who have more social, sexual and genetic appeal than men with lesser physiques. This really is a physical manifestation of genetic superiority, which females find attractive as a characteristic in a mate, to pass on good genetics to their offsprings.

Sorry if this is way off topic, but I think that if I were writing this paper, your ideas seem to provide a good way to transition into this more abstract element of cool, which I don't think we'll see in other people's papers.

Good luck with the rest of your paper, and I hope to read it when it's finished. See you next week, and good luck with your finals.

Stay ^, -Jake F.